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The Great New Hampshire Primary Debacle: A Satirical Take

Hey there Folks!
Melvin P. Atwater here and you’re not gonna believe the big old Bag of BS I have for you today!
I’m sure a few of you will call BS on it, but it’s on the internet so it must be real! Quantum Universe and all, you know. Maybe not here and maybe not now, but somewhere, somehow.
The logic is infallible!
Melvin P. Atwater

Welcome to the Great New Hampshire Primary Debacle of 2024, where the once vibrant political landscape has turned into a barren wasteland of missed opportunities and lackluster campaigning. The usual frenzy, the crisscrossing of candidates across the state, the up-close-and-personal interactions with voters – all seem to have vanished into thin air.

The frontrunner, Donald Trump, chose to spend a day in court rather than engaging with the voters. His main rival, Nikki Haley, is keeping a light schedule, and Ron DeSantis, already an afterthought here, is effectively ceding the state and moving on to other contests. It’s like a political version of musical chairs, but the music stopped, and everyone just decided to leave the party.

The Democratic side isn’t faring any better. The incumbent president, Joe Biden, is not even competing, and the main events are Rep. Dean Phillips discussing artificial intelligence. It’s like a sci-fi movie where the robots have taken over, and the humans are nowhere to be found.

The once cherished tradition of getting up-close-and-personal with presidential hopefuls has been replaced by a barrage of TV ads and mail. It’s like replacing a home-cooked meal with fast food – it might fill you up, but it leaves you feeling unsatisfied.

The 2024 campaign in New Hampshire started with promise, with Trump ditching his arena rallies for high-school auditoriums and performing-arts centers. Haley pledged to ‘touch every hand’ and ‘answer every question.’ But as the primary heads into the home stretch, it feels more like a corpse than a campaign.

The Democratic primary is even less relevant, with the Democratic National Committee saying it won’t count toward convention delegates. It’s like being invited to a party, only to find out your presence doesn’t matter.

It’s a wholesale toppling of New Hampshire’s time-honored traditions, and voters are taking note. But in the end, it’s not just about the candidates or the parties; it’s about the voters who are left feeling like they’ve been stood up on a date.

So here’s to the Great New Hampshire Primary Debacle of 2024 – a testament to the BS that can sometimes permeate the world of politics. But don’t worry, dear readers, we’ll always be here to sift through the BS and serve it up with a side of satire.

Source: Politico

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